Beautiful Disaster
by lolyesiguess
Summary: Santana Lopez hasn't been the same since her girlfriend's suicide that occurred during Sophomore year. Nothing in her life has shaded perfectly at all. It's not until a new girl named Rachel Berry arrives, and shows Santana what she's been missing all along.
1. Chapter 1

Hello! I just wanted to say this is my first fanfic, so I hope you guys really like it. I've been thinking of a plot like this for awhile, so I hope you all enjoy it. :) I joined this website last week so I hope whoever reviews this don't be afraid to talk to me and we can be friends.

It was July 26th, 2011.

Santana Lopez looked at the date, her pen held tightly in her hands. She drew a blue 'x' on that day. It was the day that Brittany Susan Pierce committed suicide by suffocating herself. Santana would spend this day, which was the day before school began, walking to her deceased girlfriend's grave, giving a long prayer, and walking to Lola's Ice Cream Shop; where should eat Brittany's favorite ice cream flavor in remembrance of her.

It sounded useless, but it was all Santana could do. She grabbed her bag and her car keys, walking passed her drunk, sleeping father on the couch. She turned the ignition on, and drove to the Perks Ohio Cemetery.

She drove pass the Pierces Residence, who moved after the death of their daughter. As she drove, she could see the pink mailbox Brittany painted during the summer of Freshman year. It brought tears in her eyes to remember the happy, perky Brittany begging her to paint it too. And then she remembered how she would see Mrs. Pierce look out the window, smiling at their interactions as best friends.

The Pierces never to spoke to Santana again after their move.

To simply put, life after the death of the blond was pure tragedy for everyone.

After she parked her car, she made way towards Brittany's grave. It was filled with flowers and a picture of the beautiful girl. It was also filled with many teddy bears, which Brittany loved so much. Santana recognized her own 'decorations' to the grave. She stopped in front of it.

**BRITTANY S. PIERCE **

**JANUARY 8TH 1995 - JULY 26TH 2010**

**OUR SMILING SUPERSTAR**

Santana bit her bottom lip to stop the tears flowing from her eyes. She clenched her fists tightly and whispered, "Damn it don't you dare", to herself. "God, I miss you so much. I hope you can hear me", Santana whispered.

But the only things Santana Lopez could hear at this moment were flies buzzing around her. She couldn't feel Brittany's hug telling her it was going to be okay, she could only feel nothingness as she whispered those words.

Santana made her prayers to God to keep Brittany safe in heaven, and then drove away to Lola's Ice Cream Shop. It wasn't too far from the Pierces and the cemetery. There she ordered Brittany's favorite flavor, the Peanut Butter Stacker; and sat on the sidewalk enjoying it silently.

_"Babe, order that one"! Brittany smiled. She wrapped her arms around Santana's waist, as they were both staring at the new menu of new flavors that just arrived. It was a month before her suicide. _

_"The what stacker"? Santana laughed. She enjoyed Brittany's embrace._

_"The Peanut Butter Stacker! It's so good, San! You pick the scoops and they're all chunky, peanut butter flavored"! Brittany grinned as she walked towards the cashier. As they both sat eating their ice creams, Brittany grinned devilishly and aimed the ice cream towards Santana's nose. Santana giggled and put whip cream on her girlfriend's ice cream, which she knew she hated. Then she bit her lip as she sprayed some on her girl's lips._

_Brittany closed her eyes contently as Santana licked the cream off those soft pair of lips. Lola's Ice Cream Shop was the last place Santana and Brittany would ever have a date._

As she finished her ice cream, Santana knew she had to deal with what was coming tomorrow. Santana had undergone a change inside of her, a change that everyone thought was unexpected. She no longer was the girl who would bitch about everything; who would push nerds and have a blast; she was simply a girl colored in grey. And it pained her to know that she was no longer in one of the happiest places she's been...

...Glee Club.

Santana threw away her cone, and shoved her hands in her pockets. She saw a short, long brown-haired girl throw away her popsicle stick. The girl flashed her a smile and rode away on her bike. Santana frowned back, and went inside her car. She drove away from the memorable place, telling herself tomorrow was going to be another day.

Worse.

She formed a lump in her throat.

It was going to be a school year _without_ Brittany.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Jack, I am standing here in front of the school where a young girl by the name of Brittany S. Pierce committed suicide"! _

_The Nightly News was on, and viewers stayed tuned to watch the latest information about what was going on in the world. Information about the war just passed, and now the Nightly News was covering the latest death that occurred in Ohio. It was the death of a young teenage girl named Brittany S. Pierce, who committed suicide by strangling herself with electrical cords inside a science class. It was only a 15 minute coverage on the news, but a large coverage passing around Lima, Ohio. And of course, passing around the ears and mouths of students at McKinley High. _

_"We're very saddened. Brittany was a great and funny girl.. we just don't understand", William Schuester said live that night. He had tears in his eyes, shaking his head as he spoke. "Can you tell us more about her role in Glee Club with you"? The news lady asked. She passed the microphone to Will, whose voice shook. "She was.. she was our best dancer", he chuckled sadly._

_Mrs. Lopez watched the tragic news coverage, and looked upstairs._

_Santana had not gone down ever since the incident. She hardly ever did. She never came down to eat; to cheerfully say "good morning"; or let alone even give her mother the usual kiss on the cheek. Mrs. Lopez grew concerned, but knew if she did try to speak to Santana, she would get nothing but a quiet hum. Mrs. Lopez was kind of thankful for Brittany to exist in her daughter's life, for she had changed her daughter from isolated and bitchy to a happy (although still kind of bitchy) different person. Now, she thought with a sigh, it came back to Santana just being isolated. She didn't want Santana to go back to McKinley and have to experience the pressure, the question from other students.. but she knew her daughter had to make anew, possibly with new people she could move on from. But it was going to take awhile for that process to happen. For she knew that Brittany was important in Santana's life, almost like a gift given to her by God, the woman she loved more than anything else in the world. Losing her was the worse possible thing Santana could receive in her life. It was like taking an important gift away from her daughter's life. She pursed her lips together, and felt useless. She didn't know what to do, but hope that Santana would come down those stairs one day.. and embrace in her mother's arms as comfort._

**_the day after.._**

_Santana walked downstairs, seeing her mother gone off to work. Her father was on the couch, still laying on it drunkenly. She rolled her eyes. He was oblivious to her existence now, and it didn't matter to her. She remembered the awful experiences she had with her father ever since she announced she was gay. But it wasn't the first time. They've been like this before Brittany even existed; when Brittany did exist and enter the Lopez household, Mr. Lopez thought of her as a dog Santana retrieved from the street._

_She sighed heavily and forced herself to get some fresh air. It's been awhile since she walked outside. She ignored the happy children riding their bikes and playing baseball; and their happy good mornings. She wanted to visit the Pierces and see how they've been doing; she hasn't spoken to them since the incident. She wanted to discuss with them who could have done that to Brittany, and what her possible motive was. Most of all, the Pierces were her girlfriend's family. And she knew a conversation between parents and girlfriend was important. They were affected as much as her. _

_Santana saw the Pierces outside, picking up boxes and putting them inside a moving van. Santana's eyes grew. No. They could not.. not after this.. "Mrs. Pierce"! Santana said as she walked over. Mrs. Pierce was a beautiful woman; it was no wonder where Brittany got her looks from. She had pink cheeks, and flowing blond hair. She looked very young. But this time, her blue eyes were sad, and her cheeks were not pink. Her hair was a mess. She wore only jeans and a blue t-shirt. "Santana", she smiled softly. "What can I do for you"?_

_"I uh.. I came to say hi. We haven't spoken to each other in awhile", Santana said kicking the grass with her feet. _

_"I know", Mrs. Pierce sighed. "It's been hard, hasn't it"? she said smiling sadly._

_"Yeah", Santana said quietly. She looked around and then saw Mr. Pierce walk out of the house. He was carrying a box filled with ties. "Why are you guys moving"? Santana asked._

_"What do you think, Santana? We just can't stay here after this", Mr. Pierce said shaking his head. "We're going to be faced with publicity.. faced with too much stress and.. and it's just time to move on, Santana", he said with his voice cracking. Mrs. Pierce walked and stood in front of the young, broken girl. She tried not to listen to the next words Mrs. Pierce was about to say. "And it's time for you to move on too", she said giving Santana a small smile. She rested a pale hand on the Latina's shoulder. _

_Mrs. Pierce walked and hugged Santana tightly. The devastated, broken down teen who had lost something important to her suddenly felt a little bit of love as the Pierces embraced her. "I can't move on", she said with her voice shaking. _

_Mrs. Pierce laughed softly._

_"Yes you can", she told Santana._

_Santana glared at her for a moment. "How do you know that? No one can be as special as Brittany", she said shaking her head. _

_Mrs. Pierce took a deep breath, and looked into Santana's eyes. _

_"Sometimes, we have to keep moving forward in life. When we lose something, we want something else. Something similar to the one you lost to fill your satisfaction. But when you experience something or someone new.. it's better than the last. And that's what makes every moment of life beautiful and great. It can be really cruel, and it can be nice. It feels guilty. And it gives you something or someone who can help you experience the good side of it", she told Santana with watery eyes. "And those were the last words I told Brittany before she died", she said with fresh tears already falling._

_"Do you understand"? she said laughing softly. She embraced a crying Santana, who was making her t-shirt wet. "Yes.. th-thank you Mrs. Pierce", Santana muffled. _

_The Pierces said their final goodbyes to Santana. Santana wondered if they said goodbye to her mother, and they said they already informed Maria Lopez about their move two days after Brittany died. As she watched their car go, she felt another piece of her life float away. The Pierces as a whole were now out of her life, and she felt emptiness grow inside of her. _

_Slowly, the important pieces of her life were floating away. _

_Could life really be nice to her?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_**present.**_

The halls of McKinley High were filled with chatter that day, as many were discussing the events of their summer activities and new romance hook-ups that occurred. The Cheerios went to their group; the Jocks high-fived their group; and the losers were in the corners, in a world of their own and looking alertly for slushies.

Santana dreaded the first day of school, something she wasn't used to. She was not dressed as she usually was. She wore a plain t-shirt, with ripped jeans and a light blue sweatshirt. Her hair was also a bit of a mess. It wasn't in her usual high ponytail, but down and untidy. She wasn't used to not seeing Brittany giving her that warm, good morning smile. It was always her waiting for Brittany outside, the two giving their good morning kisses and cuddles. They were always judged, but they didn't have a care in the world. It was at the large oak tree in front of the school, where they would love each other affectionately morning, afternoon, and after Cheerio practices. She smiled, remembering that Brittany had called it the 'Brittana tree'.

But this day was different.

Out of the corner of Santana's eye, she saw a figure parking her bike next to the tree. The girl was not very tall at all, in fact she was a dwarf. She had long brown hair, and she was wearing a plaid skirt; to that skirt matched a very tacky checkered sweater. Santana could not see her face, but it made her angry to see someone go to the Brittana tree. Her and Brittany's tree. Not even the Cheerios would go near that tree, or Santana would unleash her fury.

Perhaps the girl was just confused, and didn't know where to park her bike with all the other losers of the school. Santana eased a little. Of course. It was understandable. The girl finally turned. She had a bright smile on her face, putting her bag on her shoulders. Santana had never seen her before. Could she be new? Understandable, pathetic freshman. She sighed and shook her head in disgrace. The Latina walked off, thankful that she wouldn't have to take her anger and devastation on an innocent freshman; let alone also make a fool out of herself on the first day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The news surrounding Brittany's death was the hottest topic at McKinley High. It had only occurred during Sophomore year, and still, dozens of rumours and stories had gone around. Santana and Brittany were the only known lesbian couple to exist in McKinley, and of course, ridicule was always on top. Everywhere Santana went, it was always "Brittany turned straight, she couldn't handle the bitch" or it was "Santana had been a whore all along and wanted some of that lesbian experience", and it turned out to be worse each minute as Santana walked through the halls.

She took a deep breath as she opened her locker. She knew she shouldn't have came to school this day. Did her mother tell her something? Did she even bother to listen? She struggled to open her lock and clenched her teeth.

"Hey Santana", a tall jock grinned. He leaned against her locker.

Santana pretended not to hear, and continued to try to find out her combination. Her mind was jumbled, she couldn't even remember her own locker combination.

"Now that Brittany's gone.. 'the guys leave the locker room at 5", he winked. His buddies laughed behind him.

Santana struggled not to hear.

"I'm curious and concerned too.. did she kill herself out of stupidity"?

Santana lost it. She slammed her locker with her fist, and pulled the lock harder and harder. She nearly had tears falling out of her eyes. Her lips trembled as the Jock kept talking. Killed herself out of stupidity..

"I mean, would it only be the cause of her death"?

"HEY, GO AWAY CHAD"! a voice yelled.

The Latina stopped trying to crush her lock and turned her head. It was Quinn Fabray, with her Cheerio uniform walking straight toward the scene. She had her hands on her hips. Her ponytail was high and her eyes glared at the grouped jocks huddled around her friend. Santana had not spoken to Quinn since, obviously, the announcement of Brittany's suicide. She should appreciate Quinn a little.

...After all, she remembered that Quinn was the one who saw Brittany laying dead on the floor. She was also the one who ran to Ms. Pillsberry's office and told her what happened. The last words she spoke to her old friend were cries and questions.

Chad glared at the two Cheerio friends, and signaled the Jocks to follow him.

As soon as she made sure the Gorillas were gone, Quinn turned to Santana. She smiled and grabbed a hold of her friend's lock. Santana did not need to tell Quinn the combination. She knew her friend remembered it, because the two shared lockers before when Quinn didn't have one. Santana could only utter a soft, quiet thank you to Quinn as it was finally opened.

It was a moment of silence as Santana put her books into her locker, trying hard not to stare into those hazel eyes that penetrated her. Those eyes that said, "I miss you" and "It's time for you to remember the good times between the two of us". But Santana did not boost the conversation, as she put the last books in her locker.

As she much as she hated it, she did not want to see Quinn right now. She didn't want to see anyone. She didn't want or want to be needed by anyone right now.. no. What Ms. Pierce said was going to wait. Before she could make a quick walk for it, Quinn grabbed her by the sleeve.

"We miss you", she said smiling sadly. Santana did not need to ask who 'we' were. It was those losers she hated the fucking most.

That stupid group of idiots called 'The Glee Club'.

"Go away, Quinn", she glared. She felt those words burn her throat as she spoke.

"No. God damn it, Santana. We get it. Okay, you're affected by Brittany's death. You miss her, I understand. But you don't have to take it out on everyone else", Quinn said seriously.

Santana huffed and looked straight into those eyes again.

"Do you want me to emphasize.. how much she means to me? It's not like one of those cheesy, corny movies where a kid just kills himself and then everyone weeps. This is reality, Quinn. Where you can feel the pain and the weight on her shoulders. She was the last person I expected to do that to herself.. and truth be told, that was the stupidest thing she's ever done. And it makes me mad.. to know that she's not here so I can scold her and call her dumb. But she's not here to speak to me. I can't see her beautiful blue eyes and I can't see her smile. She can't say sorry. Nothing. That's how much someone is affected once suicide happens. You can't move on and you can't go to anything else. Your life fucking changes. It's a gift taken away from you. There is no other fucking option, Fabray. How much do I have to even tell you? I'm done", she breathed with the usual tears coming out of her brown eyes.

Quinn didn't move.

"Glee Club will-"

Santana stomped her foot. "None of that bullshit! You guys can't fix something as big as this! Singing and dancing and all that crap? You guys are the biggest losers in the entire school, aren't you? Christ, you all need to get a fucking life"! she yelled loudly. She bumped Quinn's shoulder hard, and ran to the upstairs Girls Bathroom.

She ran passed the students who were watching the scene, and all of them whispered more and more bullshit Santana couldn't stand. It made her insides burn. It made her head pound and her body build with intense fury. She pushed Chad and the Jocks who had tried to block her way.

She did not notice the Glee Club, who were looking at her with worried faces.

She slammed open the bathroom door, and slid against the wall. She put her hands in her head and shook her head over and over. What made her feel worse was that she had just yelled at one of her old best friends, who was also Brittany's. She had also made the decision to leave the only people who would appreciate her..

But Santana was wearing a blindfold she could not take off.

She was lost. Completely lost at the sudden tragedy that unfolded in her life..

"Are you okay"? a sweet voice asked softly.

Santana did not look up.

"I was just here and you just broke inside the bathroom.. God here, have a tissue. It's not good for a girl to cry and ruin perfect complexions. Christ, we haven't met yet, have we? Well, this is a horrible way for us to become friends.. I think I've seen you before. I'm rambling, aren't I.."

"God, just leave", Santana sniffed glaring through her tears.

The girl handed Santana a tissue.

Santana, whose eyes were wet from tears and cheeks red from anger, had a pink tissue in front of her face.

"Hey. I'm Rachel Berry", the girl said smiling brightly.


	3. Chapter 3

****Santana stared at the dark, chocolate eyes hovering above her.

She stared at the girl, who was still offering her a pink tissue in her hands. She was still standing, waiting for Santana to take the colorful piece of fabric. And then, Santana realized that she has seen this girl before. She had seen her throwing away her popsicle stick at Lola's, and she was the one.. the one who had invaded the Brittana tree. Her face was unfamiliar, and Santana had never seen her before. Her thoughts were broken when Rachel spoke.

She cringed.

Rachel Berry's voice was downright nauseating.

"I just moved here from New York. I just arrived over the summer", Rachel told Santana. She stared at the pink tissue, still waiting for the Latina to take it.

Santana frowned and took the tissue, blowing softly.

"Who the hell carries pink tissues"? she glared.

"Well, I guess I'm one of a kind", Rachel said grinning.

Santana rolled her eyes. She walked over to the sink and tried washing away the redness of her eyes. She didn't dare to stare into the mirror, for she didn't want to see the hideousness or the monster in front of her. And she peaked a little. She was a total wreck. Her eyes and face red, her body was still a little shaken, and a little bit of mucus was running down her nose. Maybe it was a good idea to stay here for the rest of the day.. or forever..

A hand laid on her shoulder.

It was Rachel.

She was confused as Rachel grabbed the pink tissue, and wiped the mucus on the Latina's nose. She giggled a little at Santana's expression, which had the look of a very angered and a little confused child. But Santana didn't speak, or she didn't push Rachel away. She just allowed the dwarf to clean her mucus up.. so why didn't she punch the girl already? And as Rachel kept wiping her nose, she didn't feel mad or angered or irritated.

No.

For the first time since Brittany's death, she felt a little bit at ease. What was this feeling? The damn girl was just wiping her nose.

Rachel finished, and then she took out a pink comb. It was a pink comb with rainbow sparkles and a dozen gold stars.

Santana cringed.

"I'm fine, thanks for cleaning my nose", Santana said backing away. She grabbed her backpack. What was strange was that Santana's voice was not forceful or direct. It was in a normal tone she had never used on anyone before. And looking at Berry, she would have been one of those people. But somehow, she couldn't force herself to yell at this girl. What was it? Why? Santana didn't know why. As she stared at Rachel, she felt a little bit of that ease still inside of her. It was a feeling Santana felt shocked to feel for awhile. She shook her head, ignoring what Rachel did to her and walked out of the bathroom.

But before she could, she rested her hand on the knob.

Rachel still stood, the comb in her hand.

"Thank you", Santana smiled turning to look at her. "I'm Santana". What was happening? Why was she smiling?

Rachel smiled back.

"If you ever need a pink tissue, just burst in the bathroom for me, Santana", she joked. Santana didn't know what happened next.

But she formed a laugh. A laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Santana did not know where she got her smoking habits from. She felt horrible, but it was a way to release her stress. Smoking was one of the things that calmed her down; smoking was also one of the biggest secrets she hid from Brittany. In fact, she remembered that terrible day when Brittany discovered a pack of cigarettes under her bed, and she had flat out lied to her girlfriend. Holding back her tears, she felt so ashamed of herself. But with all the pressure of her father and now with the death of her girlfriend, how could she quit smoking? She exhaled the smoke and thought that those two weren't the only reasons.

It was also the problems that occurred between her and Brittany.

_She remembered it._

_It was a Friday night; it was a movie night for Brittany and Santana. Santana's parents were out of town, so they had the house to themselves. It was one of those days where they could spend a night together in peace; completely alone, just being in love. _

_Brittany was trying to pick a movie from Santana's move set. Santana was downstairs getting the soda and calling Quinn, who was to arrive in a few minutes. Brittany frowned at her girlfriend's choices and put the action-adventure movies back in their Alphabetical order. She knew Santana had those adorable, animated movies hidden secretly somewhere._

_"BABE I KNOW YOU HAVE TINKERBELL, WHERE IS IT"?! she called smiling. She looked around her girlfriend's room. _

_Santana could only chuckle from downstairs. "NOT TELLING YOU"! she called back._

_Her voice was then filled with chatter talking to Quinn._

_Brittany looked into the drawer's._

_Not there._

_The closet?_

_Nope._

_Underneath the bed?_

_Brittany reached her arm out, and felt something solid. Something wrapped in paper. Was it the DVD? She grinned. _

_Back downstairs, Santana hung up the phone and expected Quinn to arrive within 15 minutes. She stretched and carried the Pepsi bottles back upstairs to her girlfriend; who she hoped already found the perfect movie before the pizza came. _

_"Baby-"_

_It was an expression she hated to see. It was a sight she always wanted to get out of her head. She trembled and dropped the soda bottles. Her body shook, and she trembled in shock. At this moment, she wished she had hidden the object in her girlfriend's hand more better. It was a white pack of Camel cigarettes, the one she had bought not too long ago. _

_No one in Santana's life knew she smoked, not even her own mother. And now here she was, about to face the concerned questions of her girlfriend and have to tell her the horrible truth: "Yes baby, I smoke". And if only she had been better prepared for this party.. if she had been better prepared.. she wouldn't have faced what was coming._

_"What is this Santana"? _

_Brittany had a little bit of concern and anger in her voice. Santana was not used to it. It was a little bit different. It was more forceful and strict than the angry tones Brittany would always use. This time was very different; and for the first time in her life, Santana did not see the Brittany she knew. She saw a different side who was crying in front of her, shaking her head in disgrace. _

_"Since when do you smoke"? Brittany said, her voice raising._

_"Give me that", Santana told her. She was still a little bit shaken. She walked forward and reached out a hand. "Give me it, Brittany! Please, let me talk"! she yelled as she tried to grab it. "Talk"! Brittany yelled back throwing it on the ground. _

_Brittany yelled the word 'talk' as if it were a sonic boom._

_Santana jumped a little and kicked the stupid pack behind her. _

_"I don't do it often, I swear", she told Brittany desperately. Her voice was desperate for her girlfriend to believe her. What has she done? She felt as if she had three check marks for lying. _

_1 check mark done. _

_"Then why the hell was it underneath your bed"?! Brittany asked angrily. _

_Santana grabbed her arm from walking out of the room._

_"It was my dad's.. he told me the only way to release stress is by smoking"! _

_2 done._

_Santana had been smoking since she was young. To be exact, since middle school. It fitted in with her 'bad girl' image and it grew a forceful habit. And her dad, for sure, would have encouraged it._

_"I promise I'll stop, babe. For you. I see how affected you are.. I'll stop. I hate seeing us like this and I'm a dumbass for making a horrible choice, I'm sorry. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you like this, Brittany". Santana's voice was shaking as she grabbed tightly onto her girlfriend's arm._

_By the time Quinn came, she saw her favorite couple holding each other tightly on the floor. Behind Santana was a pack of Camel cigarettes. Her eyes widened._

_**3**__ done._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Santana sat straight on the dumpster, and exhaled the smoke out once again. And she would gladly have her girlfriend standing in front of her right now, slapping the hell out of her and pushing the cigarettes away. She smiled a little. Then Brittany would be adorable at scolding her.. then maybe for a day or two, she would stop..

"Santana"?

Santana recognized that soft voice.

It was Rachel.

"Rachel", she said as she scanned the girl up and down. "What are you still doing here late"? she asked.

"I was inside the Choir room watching the Glee clubbers sing", she told Santana.

Santana stomped on the cigarette.

"Glee Club", she laughed shaking her head.

"Yeah, what's so funny about it"? Rachel said laughing a little too.

"Nothing, they are a bunch of pathetic losers who think they can sing", Santana frowned rolling her eyes.

Rachel shrugged.

"I think they sing great", Rachel said nodding.

Santana laughed even more.

"That's a great joke", she said still wheezing.

"Oh come on. That's mean"! Rachel chuckled.

"What's mean is Mr. Schue's double chin", Santana said laughing more at her own jokes.

It was quiet for a second, until Rachel laughed along too. And the two were laughing, their laughter could be heard from the back of the school. It was getting dark, and normally for people like Rachel Berry, Santana would have dumped her in the dumpster; then she would proceed to walk home ignoring the girl's cries.

But it was kind of fun to talk to her. She was alright.

The two stopped laughing, and looked at each other for a moment. Santana was lost into those deep pools of chocolate brown again. They were amazing under the evening light. Rachel's smile dropped, and she stared at Santana's eyes too. Both of their eyes were brown. And she knew for a second, she had gotten lost in them too.

The two finally realized the 5 second gaze, and turned away shyly. Santana coughed and hid her blush behind her jacket; she hoped this evening light would cover it better. Rachel was smiling and chuckled softly, shaking her head at the actions of this blushing, shy girl. She turned to face the raven-haired girl.

"Why were you crying earlier"? Rachel asked Santana.

Santana took a deep breath.

She didn't know how she felt so comfortable with Rachel all of a sudden. I mean, they had just met in the bathroom and all this little dumpling did was give her a pink tissue; then cleaned Santana's nose with a stupid pink tissue. Why was she laughing? Why was she smiling? Why was she even still here? Still talking to this girl who had taken her tree?

But somehow, as Santana thought about telling her, this girl wasn't going to do harm to her. She made her feel a little bit at ease every time she spoke to her. Santana didn't know what it was, but she sure did feel comfortable with it.

"Um.. my girlfriend committed suicide during Sophomore year. I.. I'm very affected by it", Santana said with a sad smile. It pained her even more to even talk about it.

Rachel walked and stood next to the dumpster.

"Wanna sit"? Santana offered.

"Oh no no.. I don't sit on these things", Rachel said a little too mannerly. Santana formed a little smile on her face. She thought that was a little bit cute of Rachel..

She shook her head and stuck to the subject.

"It's just so overwhelming to lose someone close to you.. I guess I couldn't take the shit from everyone and just blew up", she told the little dwarf. Rachel laid a hand on Santana's. "You didn't need to. It's not good for you to blow up like that", she told Santana. Suddenly, Berry's voice did not sound as nauseating as it did earlier.

It sounded more sweeter, more comforting..

Santana stared at her hand that was laid on top of her's.

"I don't even know you and you're telling me all this...", she said pulling her hand away.

"I don't have to know you entirely.. But I've never seen a girl, in all the schools I've moved to, see so much pain like you did. I guess I'm one of those people who care about other people. It's kind of what I.. always expected out of myself when I moved here. A new start", Rachel said staring ahead. "Is that what your girlfriend would have wanted you to do"? she said smiling at Santana.

Santana could feel a little bit of tears burn in her eyes again.

Yes.

"Why did you move"? Santana asked focusing on Rachel now.

The long-haired girl was quiet. She looked up at Santana.

"Why did your girlfriend kill herself"? she said turning it right back to Santana.

The two stared at each other again.

Both of their eyes looked for hope, looked for each other. In there, one of them knew that they had lost something or had been at point of their lives broken down with absolute pain. Santana had watched those movies where one would look at the other, and the two would fall instantly in love. Santana did not feel in love, but somehow, when she stared into the eyes of Rachel Berry, she felt a strange spark of connection. It was like whenever Santana stared into those dark pools, there would be a time when the bad side of her would go away. Where, for the first time in awhile, she remembered that she had laughed from Rachel. Talked more than she could. And had her own body touched by Rachel. Who was Rachel Berry? How did she get into Santana's life like this? It was a sudden thought.

And Rachel, staring at the burning cigarette then back at Santana, wondered how she had meddled into her life too. She wondered how she managed not to get beat up or thrown in the trash by a girl who was smoking, by a girl who had threateningly told her to go away. Why was she still here? Why wasn't she afraid? And, most importantly, why were there so many questions running through their heads? What was this strange, new feeling that had just entered upon both of them?

The two broke their gazes again. Santana turned away and covered the redness of her face. Rachel fidgeted with her hands, and giggled a little at Santana's shyness once again. She turned to Santana, eyes hopeful. "Do you like to sing"? Rachel asked beaming. Santana's eyes widen. She had not sang in forever. Singing was one of her favorite hobbies. But she knew what Rachel was doing and she wasn't prepared for it.

"No. I don't", Santana said as she slid off the dumpster. "Look, I don't want to join Glee Club and sing, alright? I gave up on that dumb club", she sighed and grabbed her backpack.

"I wasn't asking you to join.. I was just asking you if you like to sing", Rachel said softly. That tone made Santana stop walking. Alright. She'll give. "Yeah, I liked to sing", Santana said with her back turned. "Why'd you ask me that"?

Rachel played with her hands.

"Because whenever I feel down, I sing. Maybe it can work for you"? she said with hope in her voice towards Santana.

The Latina still had her back turned and she clenched her backpack tightly.

"It won't. I'm sorry", she frowned as she started to walk ahead home.

Rachel's smile dropped.

As she walked, she turned her head to see Rachel still standing there. The girl was holding her bag, staring at Santana walk home. And she didn't know if Rachel could see it, but she gave the girl a small smile.

Within the night, Rachel smiled back a little too.

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The reason for Brittany's suicide will be explained throughout the story. :) Thanks for those who have reviewed this story so far, much love to you. xoxo Santana's smoking habits grew, by the way, when Brittany's death occurred and her life turned harder than the usual.


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